As fall turned into winter, the foliage died back and rabbits became harder
to find near Fur City. Today's hunt had taken Sozont far into the
hinterlands, but now he was on his way home. He passed through a clearing
that seemed strangely familiar. He knew that the last time he'd been
here, the décor had been greener and there hadn't been one of those
stupid blue signs in the middle of it.
The sign pictured two scruffy wolves in a junkyard.
Ugly weeds grew through holes in the junk. The wolves were licking
each other's tongues. The caption read: "Gay
Sex Doesn't Make Babies". It was in remarkably poor taste,
even for a rutting sign. Sozont was glad it had been placed in the
middle of nowhere and hoped it had been a donation, not paid for with tax
So what was familiar about this clearing? Oh
yes, now he remembered: this was where he had first met Spike. Sozont
pulled out his cell phone and called the echidna. The phone rang quite
a few times, with several "call being transferred" noises. Eventually
his friend answered.
—"Hi Spike! It's Sozont."
—"Hey! What's happening?"
—"I was just passing through that clearing where we
first met and thought of you."
—"Well, isn't that sweet!"
—"There's a stupid blue sign there now."
—"Yech! I hate those signs. I don't spend
much time in Furry Fairytale Land in the winter. I'm over in Jism
—"Oh. I was hoping to see you again some time."
—"Be at your lair in a hour."
—"Great! Oh, and I'm sorry I was so uptight
at the Furry Club."
—"No worries, mon. If I got wound up about everything
I ever wanted but didn't get, I'd be a nervous wreck!"
—"Glad to hear it. See you soon!"
Sozont got home with some time to spare before Spike arrived. He
used the time to rehash the last conversation in his mind. It was
something he did far too often.
Sozont had mentioned "Furry Club" and Spike had talked
about not getting something he wanted, which was presumably RL sex with
Sozont. The tigrihippostrich wasn't sure how he felt about that. Certainly
the RL stuff with Marth was very attractive and perhaps Epistemology Wolf
would also be a good time. On the other hand, things were moving rapidly
with Marth right now—Sozont would prefer not to make big changes in the
rest of his life while he worked on getting his rutting-season commitment
Spike had also mentioned that he was spending time
in Jism Market, a scenario that Sozont had never visited nor had ever intended
to visit. Firstly, it was non-furry (there was a "Spooge Market" for
that). Also, Sozont could not understand how the economy worked in
those gay-fantasy scenarios. He didn't want join a VR community where
he'd always be just a peon because he couldn't figure out how to get ahead
Spike arrived and Sozont was happy to see him. They
talked about stuff. Sozont remembered what a good time he'd had with
Marth at the hot tub and thought perhaps something similar could happen
with Spike if he spilled a bean or two.
—"It looks like I might actually have a rutting partner
—"Oh? Who's the lucky girl?"
—"That one??? I wouldn't go near that bitch.
At my school we have some girls like that—they're trying for an 'MRS'
—"There has been no discussion of marriage. We're
just rutting." In Fairytale Land, legal marriages were for furs who
planned to leave the meat market and choose the same partner every year
for rutting. Tardrayn-rah was married. The culture was somewhat
negative on marriage because the gene pool was fairly small and it was necessary
to keep swapping partners to raise the diversity of offspring.
—"Uh huh. You know, once you have a kid with
a girl, you're related to her forever. And that vixen has some nasty
claws. Why do you like her?"
—"Oh, I don't know. We just sort of 'click'
Spike cocked his head in a canine manner. "Have
you met her in RL? What does she look like?"
—"Yeah. Let's just say she's an 'old-style Furry
—"Tsk. That bad, eh?"
This conversation was nothing at all like what Sozont
had hoped for. Instead of getting closer, he and Spike seemed to be
moving apart. And Spike was dissing Sozont's girl, the only girl who
had ever expressed any serious interest in rutting with him. That
made him feel defensive and feisty.
—"Well, *I* like her."
—"Okay, okay, don't have a cow, man. I'm only
a fruit. Don't let me interfere with your eternal happiness. I'll
just walk off into the sunset by myself now." He starting humming Mendelssohn's
A Midsummer Night's Dream.
—"Yeah? Well 'not today, Zurg'." Sozont
assumed the quadruped position and did several sudden deep knee bends. "So,
uh, you wanna?"
—"Oh, why not?" Spike pretended to remove his
So they cuddled, and did other things such as you can
imagine, and then snuggled some more. Afterward, Sozont still wanted
to reduce this barrier that had arisen between them. He decided to try
some 'pillow talk'.
—"So, um, Spike?"
—"Why does your penis have only three heads?"
Silence. Not good, what had Sozont stepped on
"I mean, a standard echidna penis has four heads, right?
It's, um, quite unusual for a fur to pick a body form that's, uh, nonstandard
in that area. I mean, I like it just the way it is, but I was just wondering,
The expression on the echidna's face made him seem
much older and wiser than usual. "It reflects something not quite right
about that part of my hy00man body. I'd rather not talk about it, since
it's obviously something you'll never want to see, Mr. Going Straight As
—"Hey! I'm still the same ole' bi guy I've always
been. I'm just getting closer to my straight-side goals, that's all."
Spike moved to the lair's exit. "I've yiffed
a lot of guys and a few gals in my time, Sozont. I think I know a
little about these things. That girl will be asking you for an exclusive
contract. And unless I'm mistaken, you're going to give it to her."
Spike left the lair without saying good-bye.
Well, that was depressing. Spike and Marth did
not like each other at all. Spike in particular seemed to think of
Marth as a competitor he couldn't beat. And Sozont had never told either
of them about the sex he had with rabbits. Why would anyone want to
know about that? It was bloody and would have been extremely painful
if they weren't NPC's... Sozont tried to shake the thoughts out of
his head. He was *so* glad he had been too hungry that day to
use Venus Fly Trap as a yiffing toy. She would have been a life-destroying
mistake. Sozont hadn't done any rabbit-sex in recent times, not since
he had first met Spike actually, but deep down he was still just a goddamned
troll and nobody who really knew who he was could possibly love him.